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ClairdeLune26
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Name: Yasuko
Country: United States
Birthday: 9/23/1979
Gender: Female
Interests: God, church, friends, music, ski, science, reading, taking a walk, cooking/baking, crafts, traveling, cafe, sleeping :)
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
4/29/2006
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| When I am going through difficult times/circumstances, I tend to have this tug of war between 2 sides of myself: One is speaking self-pity of why-me? why-this? not-fair, etc... The other side is speaking "perspective" telling me how it-could-have-been-worse, others-may-be-in-worse-situation...etc.
While, no good come out of self-pity, and if you are absorbed in it, a little bit of the "perspective" is good. But how about too much "perspective"? What if the scale is tipped so far out to the right that I began belittling my pain? telling myself to 'toughen up'? I don't think that's good either...
I was just worshipping and felt like Jesus wouldn't like it either.
When we are in difficult place, in pain, or in sorrow, Jesus wants to come along side us, to wrap His arms around us. He wants to comfort us. He wants us to pour our heart out to Him.
About a year ago, when I was going through the pain of brokenness, I struggled to be honest in my pain but not absorb into self-pity. I was constantly playing this mind game, telling myself to 'toughen up'. But now I remember my very first night when this pain began. It was in response to God's answer to my prayer--which, even though I braced myself for it, wasn't what I wanted to hear. I cried entire night. I slept in tears and woke up in tears. The whole time God gently spoke to me, telling me it's ok that I feel this pain and that I cry because He was breaking my heart. He never once said to 'toughen up' and to 'stop crying'. All He asked of me then was to pour my heart and anguish onto Him so He can comfort me...
hm, I stop here...otherwise I am going to ramble on and on... | | |
| I love how God leads me to read certain books at the time of my life when I need to read them. There has been numerous occasions where I knew I'm supposed to read certain books right there and then. And of course there are many other books I read simply because I wanted to read. I have few thoughts brewing in my head after reading Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Unfortunately, I must return that book to the library today. So, I will keep thinking and hopefully have some blog here soon. | | |
| I love the Discovery Channel series, Planet Earth. Every time I watch, I'm in awe of beauty and perfection of God's creation. Yet, it is also very poignant to witness the harshness of the nature and the damage that we humans have caused. But let's leave it at that today since it is not the point of my blog today.
Couple of weeks ago, I happen to turn my TV to one episode of Planet Earth--Forest, I think it was. At the end of this episode, they showed how a foot long flower of a tree in Madagascar blooms (the name escapes me, sorry). Before it begins to bloom, it looks like a banana. As it begins to open, star like rip appears at the tip, which quickly tears the entire bud to reveal beautiful flower, rich with nectar to feed different creatures of the forests. Apparently it takes less than a minute to fully open the flower.
As I watched it, I received a painful revelation. Painful yet beautiful. I am not sure whether the part that got torn is actually petals or sepals (I think the latter, but again, not very relevant here). But if you ever looked at a flower bud really closely, they are usually tightly wrapped in a single piece. In order for the flower to bloom and reveal its beauty, that outside shell must be torn apart. If the flower decides it's too painful to be torn apart, it will never reveal its full beauty--its full potential--and withers away.
Every flower must go through this pain and be torn apart before revealing its beauty and fragrance. I've been curled up inside my little shell, resisting the pain of blooming. Too afraid to let go of this protective shield around me. Because yielding to God's hands will be painful. Each layer He peels off, each layer He tears apart is unbearably painful. But I realize now that He never tears more than I can bear. His hands, though causes pain, are ever so gentle and loving. As He takes yet another layer off of me, He whispers into my ears, "I see the beauty in you that I want to show off to the world as Mine...that you are My beloved..."
It is scary to submit to pain when I cannot see what God sees in me. But it is my hope to learn to submit to Him, to yield to His hands... | | |
| The place that God calls us is that place where the world's deep hunger and our deep desire meet. Frederick Buechner | | |
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). We started at the trail head, went through the Summerland Meadow to the Panhandle Gap (round trip of 11.4 mi). It was wonderful...having fun, random conversations with friends and enjoying God's creation and beauty.
